A year ago today December 11th, my Nanay passed away. This honestly has to be one of the hardest things to write about but I must share my Nanay's legacy with you.

Nanay was sassy, she always spoke her mind, she was always cooking or cleaning, in her day she enjoyed a beer or wine. She always complained it was cold, even in the summer. To some of us, she was like a second mother. Most of all, she never stopped worrying about her family.
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Around Thanksgiving last year, Nanay suffered a stroke and was admitted into my Aunt's work, a nursing home under her care. Seeing her recover so quickly we thought she would be home in no time, being the strong woman she was. A few days later, she suffered from another stroke, a little more severe that she was admitted at Lutheran General Hospital. This time it was really starting to worry us. She still had some droopiness on half of her face and not as much movement on half of her body. A few days later, she began to show a little more improvement, she was somewhat talking, mumbling really, always hungry, cranky but less droopiness. She wasn't able to eat anything until she passed the speech test which she did not.

With that, the doctor had to sit down with us and talk about her options as far as surgery or a feeding tube through her stomach. All possible options but all high risk due to her age, possibly worsening her condition. The hardest question was, would it be worth it or was it just too much for Nanay and it was just her time?

We decided it would be too much to put Nanay through anymore pain. And we accepted that these would be the final days we would have with her. Throughout my life as a photographer, it was always important for me to document everything, to preserve memories. My way of coping with Nanay's finals days was documenting, to share with our kids, family, friends the story of how strong she was until the end. To relate to anyone who's ever lost a loved one. And to share that she continues to live through us.
It was so so hard going through these images, a lot that I haven't looked at since I took them last year. I would constantly be in break down mode but in the end, found the strength in Nanay's strong eyes to continue this project.

Nanay was admitted at Lutheran General Hospital. She fails the speech test and we make the hardest decision. It doesn't seem real, it's hard to accept.
My niece Natalie was strangely looking around her at something that we couldn't figure out. That's when I began to feel spirits present, possibly Nanay's children that have past away throughout the years (my aunt and uncles), visiting her, visiting us.
We haven't heard from Nanay all day and she hasn't opened her eyes not once all day. It's the evening and her eyes are open. We all gather around her with joy, each of us trying to communicate and talk to her as much as we can to tell her how much we love her.
It was a good feeling to see a little twinkle in her eye and hear her trying to speak.

Some of us were exhausted, sleeping at the hospital with Nanay, early and late night visits.
My silly cousin brings us gifts from his previous trip from the P.I. He offers Nanay his wallet since she likes money, mostly to send to P.I to take care of her family. You can see there's a little excitement in her face. It was good to feel her humor, even for just a little bit.

We had a little early birthday dinner gathering/belated birthday for my cousin and my husband at the hospital with Nanay. She would have enjoyed all the food we were eating that night. Her condition was still the same, this time she was sleeping more and more. Everyday, we would hope and pray she would just wake up and just start talking, anything, a miracle.

It was my cousin Kuya Alan's birthday. We spent it with Nanay.

They took Nanay off treatments from Lutheran General Hospital and she was transported back to my Aunts work at the nursing home with only an oxygen machine to help her breath and morphine for the pain.
All we can do was make her feel as comfortable as possible and loved as much as possible.
​I bought her a black head wrap.

Nanay's condition was getting worse. Her breathing was getting more faint. We were beginning to receive late night calls from my Aunt and mom thinking "it was time". Of course, we would be there right away. After a few hours, Nanay was still with us, false alarm. We now knew that it could be anytime now. This was really happening. I was already mentally and emotionally trying to prepare myself and knew I had to be strong for myself and everyone.

It had been a few days since I was back at work. It was a Thursday morning and I wanted to stop by to visit Nanay first. It was cold that day but the sun was shining. I sat next to Nanay and began talking to her. Since she's been asleep the past few days, I didn't expect much, until she opened her eyes. Staring straight back at me, I couldn't believe it. She couldn't speak but I can hear her speak through her eyes as if she was saying her goodbyes to me personally. I smiled for her and continued to stay strong. I didn't want her to feel worry or sadness, I wanted her to know that we were all here for her, to not feel afraid and that I loved her so so much. She went back to sleep and that was the last time she opened her eyes for me.
That evening we sang silent night for her.

It was after midnight and we received another call. Though it ended up being a false alarm again, we headed straight to the nursing home and said our goodbye's once again. We were all at an emotional high and our stress levels were starting to get the best of us.

Everyone is exhausted from the past 2 weeks.
We have a special guest play Christmas songs for Nanay on his accordion.
We continue to be around Nanay as much as possible.
They know the time is coming, they prepare and buy undergarments and clothes for her wake.
​Nanay continues to receive morphine for the pain.

Not pictured: December 11th, 2017

We receive another late night call, we're hoping it's another false alarm but we feel this might be it. Her breathing is faint, she seems to be gasping her last breaths. Everyone is gathered around Nanay, saying their goodbyes, hugging, holding her and one another. Some of us just sitting and waiting in the room and outside. I wait outside.
I hear my Aunt crying hysterically along with other family members to follow. I close my eyes with my head down and feel empty. I walk into the room to comfort my family. I approach Nanay with a strong smile, kiss her on the head and tell her I love her. I know she's in a good place, resting, in no more pain.
​It's not good bye, it's see you later.
​She was 93 years old.

It's Nanay's wake. We are strong as a family. We say our goodbyes with friends and family.
We remember her through the stories we tell, photos and video footage.

It's Nanay's funeral. It's a surreal day. Our hearts are heavy.
But we have family to help us through it.
My dad makes a speech about how it's such a difficult time, while people are out buying gifts, we were shopping for caskets and tombstones.
We still manage to crack jokes because Nanay was just that type of character, there was always a story we all had with her.
We smiled because she had a great life and still felt her spirit around us.
We continue to say our goodbyes but this time it's even harder.

Life after Nanay. 
She lives through us. Her love and spirit lives on through us.
It was a difficult journey to document this, but I'm glad I did. It will always remind me of everything we had with Nanay since the beginning. It will always remind me that we need family and we need love and support through everything.
She is an inspiration. I hope I live as long as she did and I hope to eat as much vegetables as she did. I hope to love as much as she did.

" It is during our darkest moments
that we must focus on the light "

-Aristotle Onassis

ADVENTURE

It's something that most of us seek and something that most of us fear.  No matter what, it's something that will change you.  No matter how big or small the adventure is, the experience is something you will have forever.  Memories to keep and look back on.  The perfect opportunity to pack up your camera and capture those moments. 

Instead of the usual green beer and large crowds, Kat, myself, and loved ones decided to spend St.Patrick's day a little different this year.  It was not a snowy winter, but the cold kept the itch for the outdoors unscratched.  So we ended up staying in a lot and watched youtube videos that featured the great outdoors.  Well, that wasn't enough.  

My cousin's husband had mentioned to us in late January that they were planning on hiking Devil's Lake in Wisconsin, just north of Madison.  He had been there in the fall of 2017 with his son's boy scout troop and had been itching to go back.  So Kat and I took this opportunity to explore a place we haven't been to, stretch our legs and do some outdoor photography.

March 17th was the day, and it was a glorious day.  Almost too perfect.

At the end of the day, we were tired and hungry.  Our feet hurt.  Our legs were burning.  Our eyes were heavy and our backs ached.  Yet, we smiled because we bonded.  It took about 4 hours to hike the entire lake and in those 4 hours we grew closer.  We joked and told stories.  We've known each other for the majority of our lives, yet were learned new things about each other that day.  

This is why adventures are important.  Whether it's an adventure in a park near your home, a state park in the next state over, or a remote mountain that offers solitude from the world.  An adventure is with you forever.

I'm ready for the next one. 

​JP

 Spring has finally arrived for the year 2018 and with it the busy wedding season​.  As we prepare for the upcoming events I like to think back on the weddings we worked on the year before.

One of the last weddings we shot in 2017 was Laura and Eljon's wedding at the end of summer.  This particular wedding was photographed by Elvin Tacdeo and Zach Spinner, and filmed by Patrick while Kat and myself were at another wedding working as well.  

Even though I didn't film Laura and Eljon's wedding, I did do the editing. It's a little difficult editing a wedding that you didn't shoot.  Not being present at an event, you miss out on the overall atmosphere and the vibe of the wedding couple.  

For some reason, it wasn't the case with this one.  

As I reviewed the footage that Patrick had filmed, I felt like I knew what the couple liked.  The color scheme as well as the location gave me great insight to what kind of vibe their wedding had.  

Once I felt that, I was excited to edit their video. 

The crowd was one of the most fun I've seen.  Their guests interacting with the man behind the camera truly made you feel like you were part of the party and not just there filming.  Remember, I did not film this wedding and I got this vibe just by watching the footage. 

The bride and groom truly had a great time belting out their favorite songs and guests playing air guitar just getting lost in the music.  It's moments like these that remind me why shooting weddings is an honor.  You get to capture things that may be forgotten due to the fast paced nature of a wedding, or due to drinking too much :)

This reminder is what gets me amped up for this year's events.  Every year we shoot.  We work. We get tired.  Then we rest at the end of the season.  The cycle repeats, but the experience is different.  So here's to a successful 2018 wedding season!

​- JP

Credits:
Photographs by Elvin Tacdeo of Indvisual Films & Zach Spinner
Location Revolution Brewery

Every year I always like to challenge myself by learning something new or taking what I already know to the next level. I've been seeing a lot of these Master Class commercials of professionals such as Stephen Curry, Christina Aguilera and even Gordon Ramsay, to name a few, teaching and giving lessons to what they do best. Super cool! I was drawn in when I saw a clip of Annie Leibovitz teaching and describing how even in the most set up scenes there's always something going on. For years I've always been so intrigued by her work, how she made portraits look and feel like a romantic renaissance painting.

We like to keep our photo sessions as natural as possible but in this case, a little enhancement was necessary to bring out that cozy, fall feel, wouldn't you say?
Speaking of fall, stay tuned for our fall mini session promos!

Jp and I were so excited to have visited our friends in Wisconsin for the Baby-Q! It had been a few years actually since we all last each other but didn't really feel like it because how much we keep up with each other's lives through social media. We met Adriana and Chris before they were Adriana and Chris and now we're so excited that they will be having a little one of their own! Saturday morning, Jp and I wanted to make the most of the day since the event didn't start until 4pm. So we made a quick stop to Lake Geneva. It was a perfect sunny day, high 70's, slight breeze and not too many tourist walking around just yet. We stopped by one of our go-to bars called "Thumbs Up" for a few drinks. Jp, of course had to have his Spotted Cow fix while I wanted a refreshing Whiskey Sour. Then the guy asks me if i wanted a tall or a short! I got the tall of course! I love how only in Wisconsin I have the option of what size I want for a mixed drink...and they taxes are low!
Anyway, our bartender was from Chicago, moved to Wisconsin for a change of pace and now wants to try out Colorado. His name was Paul. After Jp and I had 2 drinks each, we happily paid our bill of $20 and headed off to Chris and Adriana's.
They warned us that their street was blocked off and that we had to park on the next street and walk, which was fine. We found parking and began to walk through the dirt road streets with caution tape surround us and dinosaur sized underground pipes. The houses were really cute and the neighborhood itself was very peaceful with lots of trees. I could see why they chose to live here, I thought to myself. As we approached their place, I was getting more and more excited to see them, then we see Chris walking down this driveway. I immediately ran up to him and gave him a big hug! He took us through the backyard and we met everybody and also saw our good friends from the city, Neddy and Dockett. I saw Adriana and gave her a big hug as well, and couldn't believe how great she looked with baby in her belly. Chris gave us the grand tour of the house and then had a few drinks, some burgers, hot dogs and good conversations. As we were talking about babies and how we would like to raise them, I loved how we both had the same idea of rather than having a birthday with gifts, instead we would take the kid traveling somewhere new every year. Instead of idolizing and anticipating gifts, they could explore and have an adventure and learn new things. And because we both believed that the baby shouldn't be treated a certain way based on their gender, instead of having "pinks" if it's a girl or "blues" if it's a boy, neutral colors were the way to go. 
Not that we feel that everyone should raise their kid this way, it's just how we feel and what we believe in really :) Well the end of the day was rolling in and we still had a 2 1/2 hour drive ahead of us. We said our good byes and big hugs and vowed not to have such a long gap between visits! Until next time, we'll pay another visit to Chris, Adriana and baby!